farters have to be the big spoon...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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