I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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