You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
