their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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