she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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