we're blogging at a bar
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
