like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
