Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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