new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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