Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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