Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This is my gift to your gina
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
