My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize