I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
