she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
