Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
