we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
