i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
