highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
