so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize