then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
