I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
