Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
