HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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