i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
