Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
