i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
