everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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