Betty ford says i'm here all night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
