There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
