Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
