This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
