new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize