Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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