I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
