Me. At least after what I've been through.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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