Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
