The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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