Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
