It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
3pm strippers are depressing
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
