I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
