If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
