i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
