im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
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