At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize