woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
