Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
do herpes really smell.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
