I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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