Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
