If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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