WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize