Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
