is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
