At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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