these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
