Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
