I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize
