i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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