that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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