all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
