Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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