Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
