just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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