We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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