I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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