All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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