And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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