She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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