who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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