The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
