My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
they need to just BURY HIM!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
