Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
