Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
