so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
