I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses youâ€
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