Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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