I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
