everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
