All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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