TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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