I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
