well I can't set my house on fire every night
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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