I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
