Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
